So, I'm going out on a limb and opening up my heart to everyone that reads this, or stumbles upon this randomly.

   So for the last couple months, I've been tricking myself into believing I'm somewhere spiritually where I'm not. In my head I was saying to myself "I'm in the prayer room 6 hours a day, I'm doing good, a whole lot better than most people in the world." Well most of the time when I was in the prayer room, I was either on my computer, reading a book, or just sitting there wishing I was somewhere else. I wasn't focusing on the Lord, I wasn't encountering Him, and I wasn't growing closer to Him. Inside of my heart I knew this, I felt so far away from the Lord, my heart felt dead and cold and it had felt dead and cold for a couple months, but I kept tricking myself into believing that I was ok and I was fine with where I was at with the Lord.

   Well for the last few days I've been frustrated in the prayer room and I began to realize what was going on in my heart, but still I would come home and say to myself , "You're doing good everything is ok." So yesterday I was sitting in the prayer room, frustrated and angry. The frustration in my heart was from the Lord because it stirred me to hunger. I went into the back empty room of the prayer room and began to write in my notebook everything that was going on in my heart. I realized that I had been satisfied with the very least of God that I could get, I let compromise come into my life, and now I was tired of living like that. 
   
    After that I recommitted everything in my life to the Lord, all my time, money, everything. After I did that my heart felt free and lighter than it had in months. The first thing I felt like I should do was delete my myspace account. It was weird, because in my head whenever I felt a little convicted about Myspace I would tell myself that it was ok and it was a good way to keep in touch with friends. But really it was a distraction and an open door to darkness. I would waste so much valuable time just messing around on myspace when I could be doing better things. So that's why I deleted it, I don't think it's a bad thing, so if you have one I'm not condemning you. I know in my life though it was a distraction. 

     So, now you know what's going on with me. Thank you all for praying for me and for ZHOP.